Bruises
by j'adore macabre
Summary: Loki's feelings were religious, deep and earnest yet devastating and destructive as hell. All Tony could do was lend a fist. Slash. Rating for violence and subject matter.


_I saw a self-harm blog and this was kind of inspired by it. It was in the early morning hours. So, reviews would be greatly appreciated. _

Loki pressed himself against Tony, his lips brushing against the other's ear as he murmured, "I bruise easily."

That was it, the signal of the beginning. He pushed Loki back against the wall, pinning his wrists with bruising force. A soft, almost surprised laugh escaped the god's lips before Tony smothered it with a painful kiss. He removed his hands from Loki's wrists and pulled the other's hips flush to his, giving his hands room to slip beneath the god's shirt. It was a familiar sensation, running callous hands over the smooth planes of Loki's back and raking his fingernails down. The god arched like a cat, a groan starting in the back of his throat only to be stopped by a stinging slap to his cheek. They kissed again, teeth clashing with the rush of it.

"Harder," Loki murmured around the tongue Stark shoved in his mouth.

And Tony did as he was told. He raked his fingernails so hard down the other's back he felt his fingers become slick with blood. He pushed harder into the kiss, biting at the other's lower lip just hard enough to bruise but not enough to pierce skin. Then he paused for a moment to catch his breath, his respirations warm on the god's neck.

In the silence filled only with the sounds of their labored breaths, Loki demanded in a whisper, "Bite me." There was a hint of a plea in his voice.

Again, Tony did as he was told. He stretched the collar, hearing fabric rip, to lay bare one pale shoulder. A chaste kiss was placed there before he bit hard. Loki gave a strangled curse saturated in relief even as he jerked back against the wall. Tony tasted blood on the tip of his tongue.

They went on that way for a moment longer, Tony digging his nails into the god's skin, hurting him and receiving only sighs of relief. Then Loki pushed him back gently and said, "Take off your shirt."

Stark removed his shirt in record time because this was the point of their sessions he unconsciously craved, the balm that made all the blood and bruises fade to the background.

Loki reversed their positions, hands on Tony's hips to press him against the wall. He kissed the mortal softly. _Reverently_. His tongue swiped over Tony's bottom lip, _asking_ for permission to enter.

Tony parted his lips and let him in, feeling the god's tongue explore his mouth even though he knew it well by now. Loki pulled out after a moment to kiss along the other's jaw. His hands ran down Tony's sides with just a hint of nails. He was forcing himself to stay docile, contain his compulsion for pain. So he trailed kisses down Tony's neck, along his collarbone. The billionaire shivered at the warm puffs of air and the cool hands on bare skin. Those hands worked their way up to card through his hair as gentle as any lover.

Loki kissed everywhere. He intertwined their fingers to kiss the bloody tips then the callous palms. He pressed his lips to that sensitive spot on Tony's wrist and on either side of his Arc Reactor. It shone just a little brighter, almost imperceptibly, with the jump of the mortal's heart. Through all of this, Tony let his head rest against the wall, eyes closed with a quiet sigh of satisfaction.

Then the god went lower. Loki sank to his knees, bloodied and bruises forming. As his words in the beginning had marked the start, this was the signal that their session was drawing to a close. Tony looked down to see the god staring up at him with a familiar questioning stare.

It wasn't common, the sex. It had happened only once, when Loki pushed Tony harder than ever, adding just a few more bruises and tearing just a little more skin. They both rode that endorphin high and spiraled into a unfamiliar territory of lust and anger that didn't quite mesh. Tony couldn't wash the blood from his sheets. But this thing, whatever it was, wasn't about sex. Even still, Loki always silently questioned. Tony knew that the god didn't care either way, and for himself, he need only look at the bruised face to remind himself that, no, it wasn't a good idea.

So Tony shook his head.

Loki shifted slightly as if he was prepared to rise to his feet but hesitated. His lips pressed in a thin line, too prideful to ask a simple question even after all they had done.

"You want to go again?" Tony asked quietly. The words were bitter on his tongue and the blood was drying on his fingers, giving them an unpleasant feel.

Loki looked up at him, eyes painfully hopeful. "Yes," He replied. "Don't hold back, Tony." An unspoken 'please' lingered in the air.

The billionaire wrapped his hand around the back of Loki's neck and slammed him into the wall with a dull thud before he buried his hand in the jet black hair to grab a fistful. Tear sprang unbidden to the corners of the god's eyes and he bit back a cry. Tony jerked his head to the side, the hand around his neck shifting to close around his throat so that Loki gasped for air.

Right there, in that moment, they both knew Tony had the control. He could end Loki's life and the god would let him. He would let Tony choke the life out of him, let himself lose consciousness. But Tony never let it get that far, not after their first time. Seeing Loki go limp in his hands had been sickening, stirring up a mixture of disgust and anger at himself. That the god had given him that power was beautifully terrifying. Tony made sure he knew both their limits even if Loki seemed to have none.

The billionaire let go of the other's hair to rake his nails down his back once more. Cuts were reopened and his fingers became warm and slick again with the other's blood. It was spotting through the dark shirt, creating darker patches. Loki braced himself as he clenched his teeth against a feral growl. One hand clenched into a fist on the floor and with the other, he splayed his fingers on the wall. His nostrils flared as he struggled for breath. Tony took the hand from the wall, wrenching his arm up and back but careful not to cause significant damage. He closed his hand around Loki's wrist, bruises on top of bruises, and to Tony it felt as though he was marking his property. It made him sick. He tilted Loki's chin up with his thumb to look at his eyes, gaze his reaction to see just how far he would have to go tonight.

"Enough," Loki said softly. It wasn't because he was done, gods knew he wanted more. It was the look in Stark's eyes, a resistance that told Loki that Tony was pushing himself farther than the god wanted.

Tony's grip loosened and he very nearly breathed a sigh of relief. He helped Loki to his feet and sat him on the edge of the bed.

"You always do this," Loki said almost fondly as he watched Tony pull out a first aid kit. "I have no need for your Midgardian ointments."

"Maybe, just once, you'll let me use them. You can't just leave looking like…like that." Tony set the kit down on the bed. "Just sit here for a second. I have to wash my hands." He rubbed them absentmindedly on the side of his pants.

When Tony finished washing his hands, the water running red down the sink, he went back to see that Loki was waiting patiently on the bed. In truth, Tony expected him to be gone by now.

"Take your shirt off," Tony ordered softly.

The god began to remove his shirt, his movements already stiff. The billionaire helped despite the other's prideful protests. Carefully moving over the injured back, Tony pulled the shirt over Loki's head and looked to see the damage. There was a network of angry red lines that trickled blood. Loki rolled his shoulders and gave a soft hum of content even as Tony grimaced.

"Why…why are you doing this?" Stark asked as he carefully cleaned the marks with antiseptic wipes. He sat cross legged behind the god, less than a foot away.

Loki looked over his shoulder. "You wouldn't understand."

Tony paused, his hand clenching into a fist. He looked away and let his hand drop. "I just…I don't know if I can keep this up."

A look of fear passed over the god's face for the briefest of seconds. "I've never pushed you farther than I knew you could handle. If you want to end this you only need say so though I sincerely hope you do not."

"Why not? Is this how you get your rocks off?" Anger was beginning to bloom in Stark's chest. He was confused, unsure how or why he let things get this far. Then there was the guilt for having started in the first place.

Loki looked mildly surprised. "You think I get sexual gratification from this?"

"I don't know. Do you?"

"It's gratifying but sexually? No." Loki turned slightly to face Tony, his eyes willing the other to understand. "You're angry with me, not for what I've done but what I'm doing. You hold even this body in such high value, believing that it should not be marked without suitable cause. You think that what you're doing is repulsive but it's not a desecration if the body has already been corrupted."

Tony frowned as he tried to process. "Does everyone on Asgard speak in riddles?"

Loki sighed. "Your people believe in repentance, yes? A simple balance of bad deeds and good and they are forgiven if they show true regret."

"Something like that."

"I haven't pious tears, Stark. The first time…you were so angry with me, you broke my nose and blood filled my throat. It felt exhilarating because I was doing something right. So bite me, hurt me, make me bleed because I can't cry for the things I've done."

There was a beat of silence before Tony said, "You're an idiot. You can't erase anything….God, how did I let things get this far?" He made a noise of frustration as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "There are hundreds of people out there who could give you what you want. Why me?"

"Because you had just enough contempt for me. I never meant to become…I was wrong to let it continue. You craved an intimacy that I thought I could give, that I thought might also make things better somehow. I tried to give you all of myself, thinking that it might make the pain greater but I only loved you and your violence more. It's beautiful to me."

Tony hesitated, tapping his fingers on his knee for a moment. "I wanted to," he said quietly, "in the beginning, I want to hurt you. You asked me for this and I said yes because, after everything you did, I wanted you to suffer. But I stopped being angry at you and now I just hate what you have me do."

There was another beat of silence before Loki rose to his feet. "It was selfish of me to stay." He grabbed his shirt and made to leave when Tony grabbed his wrist, wary of the tender bruised skin.

"Wait a second. I'll get you a clean shirt at least." Tony slid off the bed and went to his closet to toss Loki just a plain shirt and asked, "What are you going to do now…"

"Now that you're done with me?" Loki asked but it wasn't malicious just questioning. "Move on to another. I seem to have made many enemies in a relatively short span of time."

"The others won't—"

"I know. Your Banner and Rogers would never; they're too forgiving."

"Clint and Natasha would kill you before you even got a word out."

Loki slipped the shirt on gingerly and nodded once. "Perhaps that is best. There's no room in any world for me anymore."

Tony wanted to refute that statement, tell him he was an idiot again but instead he found himself saying, "Stay."

Loki looked at him well and truly surprised. "What?"

"Stay." Tony repeated. "The things we do…it's conflicting but what if I hurt you less? You think the blood will wash away your sins but it won't. You'll just keep bleeding until there's nothing left to give."

The god shook his head. "Staying would be contradictory to my goal."

"But when does it end? Who decides when your imagined debt is paid? Who's going to be there to tell you that you've had enough?"

Loki moved closer, stepping into Tony's personal space. There were a few moments of silence and Tony was beginning to get uncomfortable.

"Tony, near the end I never knelt for sex. I did it because, above all else, I adore you. Had I only met you before…" He sighed wistfully and, without another word, he brushed passed Tony and left.

* * *

It was barely a year before Tony could finally go an hour without thinking of Loki. On countless occasions, he had tried to reach out to Thor for information only to stop himself because what Loki did was _his_ business. He told himself it was over, that it didn't matter anymore, but that extra shot of whiskey before he slept told otherwise. Tony didn't have to wait for secondary information anyway.

Loki knelt in the center of Tony's bedroom. He was bloodied, skin flayed raw but he looked up at Tony and smiled. Blood oozed from between his lips.

"Am I done?" Loki asked as Tony ran to him, holding up close. His eyes fluttered closed as his head lolled forward. "Have I had enough?"

"Yes," Tony whispered, placing a kiss on the other's forehead. "You're finished now."

Loki gave a sigh of relief.


End file.
